I did it! I had my author headshot photo shoot this week and I didn’t even need to take any Xanax to get through it. It certainly helped that my makeup artist, Kat Nejat Thompson, happens to be a dear friend that I’ve known for over a decade and who I cab be vulnerable, anxious, and generally insecure around – I also happen to trust her beauty and style judgement implicitly. Then there was my photographer, Justin Patterson, who is not only an amazingly talented photographer but also happens to be a pretty spectacular human who is calming and relatable. The pace was leisurely and we shot each of my three looks until I felt confident that there was a shot that I could use. Ah, the brilliance of shooting digitally in a studio where you can see the images immediately!

This also meant that I had to quicky get over how my face is rounder than I would like it to be, but Kat’s gorgeous makeup helped that acceptance right along. As did having both Kat and Justin on the lookout for unflattering bulges, creases or angles. I walked out of his studio feeling more confident and beautiful about my appearance than I have in years. If only I could always have someone doing my makeup and making sure that my pictures were flattering.

It’s kind of wild to me that I used to have my picture taken for a living. I loved everything about it: being on set, getting my make up done, working with the photographer and their team, portraying a character. It wasn’t immensely fulfilling work, but it sure was fun! From ads for Metro PCS, to Hoover, to Culligan to the young mom in your weekend Toys R Us and Babys R Us circular for several years, (which was ironic because I was maybe 25 at the time and nowhere near ready to have kids of my own). It also helped that when I was working professionally I only ever saw the final edited advertisement and not the outtakes.

Kat assured me it would be like riding a bike and she was right. By my first outfit change I was remembering all the slight facial adjustments needed to get the right picture. By the second, I was even having fun. Do I have any real interest in doing that as a full-time job ever again? Absolutely not. It was stressful and I am thrilled that it is over and that I won’t need new pictures again for the foreseeable future (or at least until I publish my next book).

But it got me thinking about 25 year old Kelly, who was relatively new to New York City, in the early stages of dating the man who would become her husband, dreaming of tv or movie stardom and trying to find ways to do good along the way… all while waiting tables to pay her rent. Sixteen years later and my life looks NOTHING like what I had imagined. There was a time, as I was transitioning out of the entertainment business, when I worried that I had let myself down by letting that dream go. The reality was that my dreams evolved – they now included a family. Although, I realize as I’m typing this, that in a way I am currently living the essence of 25 year old Kelly’s dreams: I wanted to do something creative that would be seen be people all over the country and also do good. Check and check. The specifics are different, but the concept is the same. I would probably also have loved to learn that Miguel was the man I would marry.

I can objectively say that 25 year old Kelly would probably be pretty proud of 40 year old Kelly. Though, I’m not sure why I would care about what a 25 year old with very little lived experience thought of me. I digress, I am going to celebrate my wins where I can find them. Starting with finally scheduling and following through with this photoshoot - something I had been putting off and dreading – AND THEN being happy with the results.

I will spare all of you the vanity of asking which shot you prefer – a consideration not provided to my text chain of Chicago mom’s that helped me pick the image you see above. And instead remind you that you wouldn’t pay much mind to a 25 year old’s opinion of you today so there’s no need to put much weight in the opinions of 25 year old you. And also to stop putting off whatever it is that you’re dreading – who knows, maybe it will be fun! Unless it’s a mammogram or colonoscopy - then I simply wish you luck.

Image description: Kelly in a light pink shirt and jeans, sitting on a stool while leaning toward the camera with a gentle smile. A dark grey backdrop behind her.