Mig: “Uh, babe, I think Sriracha just became a woman…”

Me: *flips dog over to check her vag* “Sure did! Welcome to your first period little lady.”

Jackson: “What’s a period?”

And THAT is how Jackson learned about a woman’s menstrual cycle. 

To be clear, we have every intention of getting Sriracha spade. However, thanks to everyone adopting pandemic puppies, our vet was pretty backed up with surgical appointments. I knew there was a pretty solid chance that Sriracha would go into heat before her appointment to be spayed in a couple of weeks so I had ordered some doggie diapers in advance. 

Unfortunately, she’d grown since then and they were too small. Thankfully, one of our family mottos is: “Daddy can fix anything!” And so he did… until Amazon could get us the correct size, anyway. 

I digress, back to body and sex education. Confession time, I am a total weirdo and look forward to answering Jackson’s questions about sex and the body. My mom had ‘the talk’ with me several times, at different ages, as I was able to comprehend more and more. What began as conversations about cleaning my wootsie-toots turned into what my vagina was for and all the parts that connect to it. There were age appropriate body books in my bookshelf and she was always open to answering all my questions. Then society stepped in and screwed up her foundation of positive sex and body education.

“If you have sex before you’re married you’re going to hell!”

“Only slutty girls masturbate.”

“Did you see how she was dressed? She’s asking for it."

Eff this. Eff allllllll of this. These messages landed me with an eating disorder, in therapy, and took years to deconstruct. It is incredibly important to me that Jackson receives the same positive foundation I did AND THEN I can use that to prepare him for the cultural messages he will receive as well. 

While Miguel certainly wants Jackson to be educated, he lacks my enthusiasm on the subject and while he’s willing to discuss it, would rather not. Which I imagine is a sentiment far more people can identify with. That said, I would rather teach my son about bodies and sex than have him learn about it from watching unrealistic fantasy porn in his friend’s parent’s basement. I had to remind Miguel that Jackson is going into 4th grade in the fall and chances are pretty good that at least one girl in his class will get her period. Instead of being confused or grossed out, isn’t it better for him to understand that its perfectly normal, that it happens to every living thing with a uterus? I am not raising a boy that will make fun of the girl who spots through clothes, or a man that is going to be embarrassed to pick up pads or tampons for his partner.

Jackson’s sex education classes this week didn’t stop there though. When the hearing aid commercial came on with the woman whispering to her partner asking if he remembered the condoms, Jackson asked what a condom was… and I told him.

“It is something a man puts on his penis before having sex with a woman so that he doesn’t get her pregnant.” 

When I told Miguel about this later his response was, “is this really something he needs to know about at 9 years old?” Gosh, I hope not. But I’m also not going to make condoms out to be some taboo topic, and if he’s comfortable asking me a question then I am going to be comfortable giving him an answer. I didn’t get in to all other forms of contraceptives or explain how they can also protect against STD’s. At nine he certainly doesn’t need to know about syphilis - but basic definitions? That I will always do my best to give him in an age appropriate way.

So, in Cervantes world this week: Sriracha became a doggie diaper wearing woman, Jackson learned about periods and condoms, Miguel used his MacGyver skills to save our floors and furniture from menstrual blood, I enjoyed providing additional sex education and Tabasco lounged through it all completely unphased.