Wear the sparkles
It is that time of year, (or is it a season of life?) where I constantly tell myself that we just need to make it through this week and then I’ll be able to breathe. Then, on Sunday, I look at the calendar and realize there will be no breathing next week either.
This week it was Jackson’s birthday, baseball playoffs (for two different teams), and Anessa’s preschool graduation. Jackson still has two weeks of school left and all the chaos that comes with that - which I know is bizarre for anyone outside of the Northeast, but I thoroughly enjoy the later end of the school year which means summer lasts through Labor Day.
Still, amidst all the birthday parties, end-of-year celebrations, recitals, meetings, and appointments, my children seem to be living their best lives. They aren’t stressed, in fact, they are happier and more agreeable than I’ve seen them in months. All while I try to hold it together with an over-caffeinated smile.
What is their secret? I mean, besides the fact that their lives are planned for them and all they have to do is go where they are told and put on appropriate shoes when asked. Which, given the number of times I have to ask, is far more challenging than I’d ever realized.
There will always be stresses in life: plans that go awry, disappointing outcomes, and the occasional asteroid. This summer, I want to try and enjoy life more, even amidst the inevitable chaos. Or, perhaps, despite it. I know that one day I will miss attending little league games, that I will look longingly at the cherub-faced child in the preschool graduation photos. I want to enjoy it all more NOW.
Some people are naturally talented at living in the moment. My husband is one of them. He recently admitted that his calendar app hasn’t worked for some time. He was not sweating, short of breath, or in the fetal position. I have chills just thinking about it.
Folks like my husband are hard-wired to live in the present… and then there are the rest of us. I would argue that it’s the rest of us that make sure shit gets done, but I would also like to enjoy the shit while it’s happening and not just logistically mastermind it. I know there are loads of books and podcasts, I could turn to for assistance, but who has time for that? Especially when there is an incredible case study in my very own home.
If you have ever run into our family out in the real world, you have seen firsthand how Anessa considers getting dressed to leave the house an artistic endeavor. To attend her brother’s baseball game there could be sequins, no less than three necklaces, sparkle stickers, cowboy boots, and at least two hair bows - at a minimum. If there is time for make-up, her face is an abstract palette.
Between Adelaide dying and the pandemic, I have lacked much concern for my appearance these last few years. I’ll put an outfit together for an event, but for my day-to-day clothes, I’ve clung to whatever is easy and comfortable. This week, I decided to try following Anessa’s lead. No, I’m not wearing sequins to the ballfield, but I am choosing to wear the cuter clothes that I’d been ‘saving’ for an outing more special than when I’m obnoxiously cheering from graffitied bleachers.
Even if it was just changing out leggings for a summer dress, I felt more confident and was able to be more focused on the activity at hand because I wasn’t self-conscious about the stained sweatshirt I’d pulled out of the hamper. Why have the cute clothes if you’re not going to wear them? I felt good. And look, I’ll take all the organic uppers I can get.
Jackson, while not yet spending hours coordinating his appearance, has gotten into jewelry, or ‘drip’ as he calls it. As such, I’m not taking fashion advice from Jackson since, in middle age, dripping is something I actively try to prevent. That said I do look to him for reminders on the importance of boundaries. While Jackson has plenty of friends and loves a good social outing, he is most comfortable at home. More than that though, he requires a solid recharge.
On Jackson’s birthday, Miguel asked if he wanted to watch his friends’ playoff baseball game.
“No, I’d rather stay home and watch a movie.”
We were both a little surprised that he would rather spend the night with us than with his friends, until I registered that it had little to do with us and everything to do with being home, away from social situations.
After five straight days of sun up to sun down activities, he chose to “just chill”. Not only does this remind me that we don’t have to say yes to everything, it’s also a reminder (for the overachievers among us) that downtime is not wasted time – it’s just another way of living in the present.
I’d be remiss not to mention Adelaide here. In the last few weeks I have received more signs from her than in all the previous months combined. A ladybug here, a familiar song wafting through the air there. She is everywhere, always, but only when I stand still long enough to notice her.
So, I, or rather my children, have saved you time. No long self-help book needed. To be more present we simply need to wear sparkles, make time for rest, and pay attention. Seems like as good a start as any. Now, if I could just teach them how to find their shoes.
Photo ID:
Kelly is smiling in a light teal halter jumpsuit while leaning down next to Anessa who is leaning into Kelly’s side. Their arms are around each other. Anessa is wearing a blue graduation robe and cap. They are outside of a brick building, standing in the grass and there are white sparkles digitally added to Kelly and Anessa.
