All tagged Parenting
This is an ode to the parent who bears the weight of the mental load. Who plans the meals, registers for the activities, and updates the family calendar. Who reads (most of) the school emails, and the class WhatsApp, and the extracurricular activity app(s). Who coordinates the afterschool care, the babysitters, and the social calendar.
I want you to always remember who you are. It is so easy to forget, to feel the need to be like someone else. We mold and contort to socially survive and then one day we wake up an adult and try to remember who we were before the world colored inside our lines. I hope that someday these words may help you find your way back to your five-year-old self when you need her most.
Last week, after four years away, we returned to Lake Michigan for a vacation. I was excited to introduce Anessa to my favorite place on Earth, but also prepared for the complicated emotions I anticipated would arise. Grief doesn't follow traditional rules though, and I never could have predicted what would happen.
It is officially no-school season at the Cervantes house, and we kicked it off with a splash. Last weekend we surprised Jackson and Anessa and took them with us to a Kalahari resort where Miguel and I had been hired to perform and speak at a conference.
It was Saturday afternoon, I needed to make a return at the mall and Anessa had been begging to “go to a shop”. I wasn’t sure how this adventure would play out: it could be a delightful afternoon or a tantrum-laden nightmare. Anessa was getting better at managing disappointment as evidenced by our last few uneventful grocery store trips. So, I decided to take a chance.
There will always be stresses in life: plans that go awry, disappointing outcomes, and the occasional asteroid. This summer, I want to try and enjoy life more, even amidst the inevitable chaos. Or, perhaps, despite it. I know that one day I will miss attending little league games, that I will look longingly at the cherub-faced child in the preschool graduation photos. I want to enjoy it all more NOW.
If you are fortunate to live long enough, inevitably you will experience moments that forever change the trajectory of your life. These are the dates we recall effortlessly, markers in time, that separate life into before and after. My most significant date is May 26th, 2016. Not even Adelaide’s death, Jackson’s birth, or Anessa’s arrival can compare to the change leveled on our family that day.
Life in the Cervantes house has been, well, emotional. Tween emotions and all their collateral damage have taken over. And just when I thought I’d gotten the hang of this parenting thing too. Ha, jk, I’ve never felt confident in my parenting two days in a row. Bring on the uncomfortable feelings and awkward conversations!
This week, pretend play gone wrong, surging hormones, and slamming doors had me questioning if Anessa was right and I am indeed, “doing it wrong”. It is a gift to be a mother – and to stay a mother – but that doesn’t make the challenge of being a mother any easier. Thank goodness for dear friends who can remind you (and your children) that you’re doing a great job.
Today is Anessa’s 5th birthday! There is not a day that goes by that I am not enterally grateful to call her my daughter. Her addition to our family has been nothing short of transformative. There are also days where I wonder how she has managed to transform every ounce of my patience into bone-tingling frustration.
Through the marketing of Normal Broken, I’ve had the opportunity to listen, relate, and connect with person after person who is facing their unique grief while craving a sense of community and understanding. One of these people, is Tasha Firoza Faruqui, a pediatrician and mother of three, whose middle child, Soraya, has an unknown neurodegenerative condition with no cure. Today, I ask you to sit in the dark with Tasha, Soraya, and their family. To witness their journey and send them the love and strength they need, as they survive with tears on their faces and laughter in their hearts.
I love the holidays, I really do. But the stress of making holiday magic is a lot, on top of, you know, just all the regular life stuff. This week I felt my anger and irritability rise and my usual tricks weren’t working. I was in an ugly cycle of stress, lashing out, and instant guilt. Then during a magical acupuncture session, I was able to find the reset I was desperately seeking, along with some advice that forced me to rethink the way I was managing my emotions. Photo styled and taken by Anessa.
