This is not a drill

This is not a drill. It’s happening. It really freaking happening.

My publisher let me know that Normal Broken would be available for online presale at some point in February. Sooo… I may or may not have been stalking Amazon and Barnes & Noble each day to see if it was listed yet. Then as I refreshed my search, there it was: a close up of a large green palm-style leaf with a little red ladybug crawling along. Normal Broken: The Grief Companion for When it’s Time to Heal But You’re Not Sure You Want To is available for purchase. You won’t receive your copy until November 7th – which is only 262 days away (or so says the countdown widget on my cell phone) – but you CAN buy it.

I had no idea what to expect when I opened that email with the potential book cover art. I hadn’t given the graphic artist much to go off of other than I didn’t want my face on the cover because while there is a lot of me in this book, it isn’t about me. Instead it’s about the all-consuming vastness of grief. It’s about the complicated journey it takes us on and how small it can make us feel in the world. It’s about how even in our darkest moments, when we feel like the depression and anxiety and guilt are about to take over – somehow there is still hope. There is healing, whether we are ready for it or not.

Who knew one little ladybug on a leaf could get all of that across in a single image?

And then of course, there’s the ladybug. My Adelaideybug represented on the cover of a book.

Folks this book has been a journey in and of itself. In fact, this wasn’t even the original book I set out to write. Originally, I wanted to write a memoir about my journey becoming who I am today and all the versions of myself that I had to move through to get here. But no one wanted to publish that book. Thankfully, my amazing agent stuck by me and helped me pitch a second manuscript about grief.

Normal Broken was inspired by all of you and the connection I felt when writing about the grief I experienced following Adelaide’s death on this blog. I struggled with what I should be feeling, with the concept of the stages of grief, with comparing my experience to anyone else’s. Then there was the fact that I just didn’t want to heal. My grief felt like all I had left of Adelaide so I certainly wasn’t about to let that go. I knew I’d have to heal eventually and that some of the healing would happen whether I wanted it to or not, but I also knew that I didn’t want someone to tell me how to grieve. I wanted someone to hold my hand and relate to me while I processed it all on my own. I wanted someone to sit in the dark with me.

I wanted a companion, not a guide.

That is what all of you have been for me. You bore witness to my grief and shared your own experiences with me through comments, messages and emails. You helped me to feel normal in my brokenness and held me close as I scooted, shuffled and inched my way toward healing. Not everyone has the gift of a thousands strong community though, so my hope is that this book will reach those that are looking to read about someone who has been down this road before as well as for those that might be a bit more self-help book averse (ahem – like me). Normal Broken leans into the dark spaces, disregards any linear process and shares honest truths. It is not just for people who have lost a child but for everyone grieving a significant loss because grief is grief is grief. There is no hierarchal rating system for the hardest or easiest kind of loss -  if you’re grieving then it sucks and I see you.

Over the coming months I will likely be fairly shameless in promoting this book and I hope you bear with me. Probably not right off the bat because wow November is a solid nine months away – but it’s coming. Of course, I want this book to be successful because that means it is reaching people and helping them. It also means it is more likely that I will get to publish a second book and I’ve fallen in love with this whole book writing process. It also means I get to continue advocating for the causes that are dear to me and reach even more people.

All that said, please buy the book and then wait as patiently as you can for it to be delivered to you this Fall. It is currently available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Indie Bound. It should be up on Target, Books-a-million and Bookshop soon but, I am learning that it can take a minute to hit all the retailer sites. If you don’t already, please follow me on Instagram and/or Facebook and sign up for my newsletter so that I can keep you posted on any extras I will be releasing for those that pre-order, as well as audio book info and book tour details.

You all mean so much to me and I am eternally grateful for your love and support.

THANK YOU!!!