Hike for Life
If you’ve been following my posts at all on social media this week, the topic of today’s blog post should come as no surprise. The leaked supreme court opinion which, if upheld, will overturn Roe v. Wade letting individual states decide their own laws regarding abortion, has been consuming all of my waking thoughts. Or at least those that don’t involve our continued potty training efforts, daily screen time battles and pondering what the heck we’re having for dinner tonight, (didn’t we just have dinner yesterday?). However, having spoken at length about the abortion of our pregnancy with Elvis, I thought it might be nice to hear Miguel’s view on it all.
There is certainly a strong argument that men do not have a place in this discussion - after all, it is not their bodies that the government is trying to regulate. However, as someone who made the decision to have an abortion WITH my husband and given that a uterus can’t impregnate itself - I believe that it is about time men begin to stand with us, shout with us and fight alongside us. Also, since it is largely men who are proposing these anti-choice laws, perhaps hearing from a man just might get their attention. Either way, its worth the hail Mary (oooh the irony…) and now I hand it over to Miguel.
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As a kid I attended a Catholic school. Every year we would do the "HIKE FOR LIFE”, a fundraiser where we would get sponsored to walk twenty miles over the course of a day. We all just thought it was fun and a cool day out at the lake. I don't remember ever asking what Hike for Life meant. I don't remember anyone ever telling us what we were doing it for. I don’t know that it would have made much of a difference if I had known since the concept may not even have made sense to my ten year old brain in 1988.
Well, now I know quite well what we were walking for. I often think about that when I hear something on the news about abortion. What did my parents think? Were they proud of me for doing that? Did they really care at all? I should ask my mom.
Now I am a parent and I know exactly what I would say to my son if he were to ask to go on a "Hike for Life”. We live in a very liberal town so I don't think there is much risk.
This whole abortion thing can really get pretty messy. Beginnings of life and all that. And look, this is not a "liberal" or “conservative” thing. It shouldn't be anyway. Religion, FOR SOME FOLKS, seems to stick its nose where, frankly, I feel, it doesn't belong. Decisions and judgments based on factors like religion can muck things up pretty good. In a free society where we are tasked with deciding so many things about our life, it is so frustrating that this is such a difficult issue.
When my wife and I found out that the pregnancy we wanted more than anything was not going well - in fact it was pretty f$@ked - we were in a room with our hearts on the floor faced with a decision that we never imagined. I wasn't thinking about any political party or religion or anything like that. I was thinking about my family, my wife, my child. We terminated that pregnancy after consulting with each other and our doctor. I've never worried about what people would think about me or my wife or our decision because I knew it was right.
The uterus having folks among us bear the physical toll of these decisions. We as a human community should share in the emotional weight. I shared this emotional weight with my wife and we are grateful every day that we were able to decide. The decision is hard enough. No matter what the reason. The only intrusion into this process should be support and encouragement to move forward after.
As a man I don't have the physical connection. But I do know the weight of the decision. In that room, if we had been faced with some outside force that was wedging itself between us and what we knew was right, I would have been out of my mind. How could anyone outside of that room tell us how we should decide? How would anyone else know what was best for us? Best for our baby? Even the idea sounds ridiculous. Now we will watch as our government sits itself beside the next couple or person and their doctor. It makes me furious just thinking about it.
I sat there.
I cried.
I held my wife's hand.
Senator or Rep Whoever wasn't there. You don't know.
Let’s all go on a Hike For Life together why don't we. The life of some person facing a difficult decision. The lives of some young couple who have received devastating news. We are all connected to this regardless of whose body is involved. If more men thought this way.....well, we can all dream.
