Mama!

I would have done just about ANYTHING to save her…

If you haven’t read Sherri Brady’s post that went up on Tuesday, please do so now and, as she requests, allow yourself to walk in her shoes. Her voice and the other black special needs families are who we should be listening to right now in this particular community. But I also recognize that my voice may reach farther, even on a topic with which I have no first hand experience. To be clear, this is NOT ok, but I will accept this responsibility and use my voice alongside hers. These past few weeks have forced me to face privileges I was aware of and those I had never thought of before. It’s painful and uncomfortable to come to terms with the different and difficult ways that friends are forced to move through the same world I do, simply because their skin is darker than mine.

I finally forced myself to watch the video of George Floyd’s death and have been haunted ever since by his cries for his mama. As mothers, as parents, it is our role to protect our children. We feel this weight acutely when they are young, but I know from my own mother’s protective texts and calls that this feeling never goes away. What if that were a video of my son being murdered and crying out for me? But it’s not and because of the color of his skin this particular fear doesn’t cross my mind.

I can’t understand the fear of sending my innocent child out the door and praying they come home. But I do understand the feeling of fearing that my child will not survive the day. I can’t understand the frustration of screaming into the void about oppression and systemic racism and not seeing meaningful change. But I can understand the frustration of watching my child suffer, trying to raise awareness and funds knowing answers will never come in time. I will never understand what it feels like to have someone cross the street away from me out of fear of a perceived threat due to my skin color. But I have experienced whispers and errant stares from people uncomfortable around my disabled daughter. I understand that these situations are not equal - I am not saying they are - but as Sherri noted, they do give me a glimpse of insight into what black mama’s all over the United States may feel. That said, we shouldn’t need any insight to have empathy for our fellow citizens and neighbors when rampant injustice is clear for all to see. 

But it doesn’t hurt either. 

We have turned a blind eye to blatant inequities because it doesn’t effect us. It was a black person problem, their battle to fight. White person to white person I’m here to remind you that this is just not true. This is a white person problem and it is our responsibility to be a part of the solution. 

Mid-seizure pleading eyes saying, “Mama, Mama”

I am pleading with anyone who has experienced stares and unwelcome comments because of their child’s medical condition.

I am pleading with anyone who has lost a child or loved one to a medical condition that, with proper funds, research and attention, could be cured.

I am pleading with anyone who has held their child while they were having a seizure cluster, who has had their child look at them with pleading eyes saying, “Mama, make it stop”, before succumbing to the next seizure.

Mama. Mama.

We shouldn’t need insight into these painful experiences to support our fellow citizens and neighbors - but we have it. To my special needs mamas, papas, family members and friends: use these experiences to fuel your fight for black lives. Educate yourself on the history of the oppressive systems in our country. For me this has actually meant re-educating myself on some basic history because I discovered it had been taught to me with bias. For example, contrary to what I was taught, the Black Panthers were not an evil organization. Did you know that in 1977 when disability activists held a 23 day sit-in to protest the lack of enforcement of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, it was the Black Panthers that kept the disabled protesters fed with three meals a day? This protest was instrumental in achieving the ADA 13 years later and could not have gone on as long as it did without the support of the Black Panthers. 

Read, listen and BELIEVE the first hand accounts of black Americans. Retain this information so that you can correct and inform your white friends and family when they don’t understand why some protests turn violent or how they could have “privilege” if they grew up poor. Donate to causes supporting reform, protests and systemic change. Attend a march, share on social media and for the love of all things good, VOTE. Not just in federal elections, but in your local elections where most criminal justice policy is made that effects your immediate community. Then, even when the protests have quieted and the black squares are pushed down your social media feed, keep learning and fighting for what is right.

I know I would have done almost anything to save my child, wouldn’t you?