Quarantine countdown
My quarantine crew Dec 2020
Is anyone else’s anxiety peaked by this vaccine? Not about getting it, I will be first in line to get shot up with this prodigious potion. No, my anxiety is stemming from having to hit ‘play’ on life and leave the cozy cuddles of my quarantine crew. Are people going to expect me to attend their child's birthday parties again? Casual dinner parties and fancy benefits? What about school events? Look, my sweatpants are super comfy and I think I’ve forgotten how to make small talk, which was really never one of my strong suits anyway.
Clearly, this is all still months away but, this week, when I finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel - glinting off the end of a hypodermic needle - I freaked out. This pandemic began less than six months into my lifelong child-loss grief journey. Suddenly, Tom Hanks was infected and the world came to a crashing halt giving me permission to slink back under the covers from which I had been previously forcing myself to emerge. The world had hit pause and I wasn't about to argue.
This is not, in any way, to say that I am not grateful for the vaccine, the lives it will save and the economy it will turn around. To that end, the sooner Broadway is able to safely reopen the better, well, the better for our bank account and my theater starved heart. Though, I haven't even begun to wrap my head around Miguel being gone most nights again. This time we’ve had together as a family has been precious and I’ve not taken a moment of it for grated. However, I will be looking forward to making a dent in the growing list of TV shows I want to watch in which Mig isn’t interested…
I guess what I'm trying to say is that not all of us are going to be eagerly running back to a full social life. As we begin to think about a post-pandemic calendar, can we agree to take it slow? Slow like a new relationship that gives you the flutters so you want to make sure you don’t screw it up? Many of us, have taken pretty significant mental health hits over the last year. In fact, I think it’s fair to assume that everyone you come into contact with is dealing with their own unimaginable trials. So let's start exercising that compassion now, empathy is even better if applicable, and prepare to be understanding when the great reemergence begins.
By the time this vaccine is readily available we will have been working from home with comparatively empty calendars for over a year. It’s going to be important that we gauge our individual level of comfortability and tolerance of social activities. Maybe it’s a weekly quota upon which we can build, or self-imposed guest count limits or proximity from home. Or, maybe I’m crazy for even thinking about this half a year before it’s relevant but it helps me to know I have a plan for coming out of hibernation. For reentering society in a different town and a child short.
Someday our kids will share amongst themselves where they were living during the great pandemic of 2020 the way we discuss 9/11. As a society, we will survive this, albeit bruised and battered, but we will move on. So, let’s take the next few months to survive, heal and prepare. And, please don’t judge if you see me stock-piling Xanax the way some hoarded toilet paper. It’s fine, I'm fine, everything’s fine.
