Two weeks later

Well, it’s been nearly two weeks since Miguel took his final bow as Hamilton… and he’s been sick for nearly all of it. Only Miguel seems to be surprised by this turn in his health. To which I asked him, did you read my book? Specifically, the part about how our emotional health affects our physical health? I digress.

So far, it is our kids who seem the most disrupted by their usual routine. Jackson, who has been able to sneak under the homework radar due to his sister’s need for constant attention, all of a sudden has a second parent with time to focus in his direction. Jackson seems to have been under the impression that with his dad’s free time, they would be playing more video games together. Ha!  

Anessa is a child who fiercely clings to routine and her father being home has thrown a kink in her understanding of how the world works. Daddy is NOT the one who wakes up with her, bathes her, or puts her to bed. It is simply not how it is done. Thankfully, Miguel is taking it all in stride so far.

Due to Miguel’s illness and the time he spends at Dingers, the batting cage and training facility he opened in our town, my life has remained largely the same. I’m still waiting for that redistribution of housework and mental load to occur… I think I may be waiting a while.

I have been enjoying planning for the future again, something I’ve feared or done tentatively in the past. Various trips and speaking gigs are planned or booked through February of next year – and so far I’m only experiencing minor anxiety over making these plans! I’m sure the new year has something to do with it, but it is also a sign of how stable and manageable our present currently feels. It is hard to focus on anything other than the moment you are in when you are lost in The Hads of the past or overwhelmed by the present and near future.

We also seem to have averted the asteroids I had been fearing. Those sneaky ones that seem to coincide with our major life transitions (Adelaide diagnosed with epilepsy ->Miguel booked Hamilton, Adelaide dies->Miguel offered Hamilton Broadway, Miguel starts on Broadway->global pandemic begins). There’s still time for something to strike, in the meantime, I am trying to appreciate this period of relative normalcy where my biggest stressor is getting Miguel to tell me his Dinger’s work schedule. It is proving harder than I had anticipated – appreciating the calm, not getting Miguel’s schedule (I knew that would be a PIA).

I’m no longer naïve enough to assume that we have endured our life’s allotment of asteroids. There will be more, and while I may not be ready for them per se, I hope that I will be able to take them in stride. Resilience builds on resilience. When I look back on all our family has gone through, all we are surviving, it’s sort of hard to believe that we can’t take on whatever else craters before us. As I write this, I’m not tense with anxious eyes scanning the sky for incoming debris. That’s not to say that we’ve got it all figured out by any means, but I guess I’m feeling a certain level of confidence these days that has eluded me in the past.

Dear universe, please don’t take this as an invitation to test me.

I guess I just want to call out the moments when life isn’t traumatic or hopped up on adrenaline. The moments when life is happening as anticipated – not without bumps, but without the need for daily decompression or medication increases. I am, admittedly, a little nervous that I will be able to appreciate and enjoy this quieter life in the long run. I have grown so accustomed to the unpredictability and excitement, (both good and bad) of our life before, how long will a calmer life feel satisfying? It’s easy to become addicted to the drama in our lives, unhealthy as that may be.

Hopefully, my awareness of this will help curb any unsettled feelings. In the meantime, I’m going to start planning some of the various trips we can now take as a family with Miguel’s freed-up schedule and perhaps settle in to work on book number two. Nothing like some quiet time to create the next whirlwind.

ID: Kelly is wearing a light green beanie and leaning on Miguel’s shoulder. Miguel is wearing a black t-shirt that says Revolution across the front in yellow letters. They are both smiling at the camera.